Home
by YinYangSisters
Summary: AXC ONESHOT A couple days after the Bloody Valentine War finishes; Cagalli wonders why she doesn't cry.


Hi guys...so, here's a little one shot for you all. Sorry that I havn't written lately...I've been quite busy :\ But once the knew school year starts, I'm sure that one shots will be more frequent, so please bare with me :)

- Yin

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN GUNDAM SEED/GUNDAM SEED DESTINY

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**Home  
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_Everyone has been crying,_ Cagalli thought. More often than ever. Yes, the soon to be Queen of Orb understood that when a disastrous and painful war was drawn to a close, your feelings become overwhelming. Hell, she understood this more than anyone.

But where ever the young girl turned, there was always someone crying. And every time, it was in happiness. Whether it was on the phone to their parents', excitedly telling them they were coming home, or hugs between friends who were left alive, or even how, if you looked at Earth from a window in the Eternal just right, and maybe squinted a bit, you could see that the bright blues of the oceans and skies were less tainted.

Cagalli would float through those halls everyday, searching for someone who was dry eyed like her. She silently slipped past hugging friends, past laughing comrades, and even a few of her own friends, to search for those without tears orbiting their faces.

Because Cagalli Yula Attha wanted to know why she herself wasn't crying.

_I have plenty to cry about,_ She thought. There was her friend Ahmed, who had died only a few months ago; who had hidden a deep love for her that she could not return. She had cried for 5 days straight.

There were people of Orb that had not survived; that were killed needlessly because they were on a battlefield. She had cried for 3 days straight for those people, even though she didn't even know their names.

And let's not forget that the princess herself didn't know what she was; natural, coordinator. Her friends told her it didn't matter. That she was the Cagalli that they all knew and loved, and it didn't matter what she was. Yet, she still cries at night to herself to this day, because she realized that they too did not know what she was.

There was her father; the father that was never even hers. And again, her friends would tell her that he was no less of a father than a biological one would have been. And for a short while, Cagalli believed this. But she would never forget that lie; the lie she was lead to believe her entire life. That she had a real family; that she belonged. And again, even to this day, she cries.

And there was the scary thought of leading a country when she got back; leading millions and millions of people in way which she didn't even know herself was right. Because after all, she was a just 16 year old child who had grown up too fast.

So yes, the young blonde had plenty to cry about. All this and more. Yet, she would look out at the starry skies every night with the same dull, lonely and sad eyes she would look with every other night. Nothing had changed for the young girl, and she was determined to know why.

_Am I human?_ She asked herself. She raised her hand infront of her, and it looked like even every cell of skin on it was crying. Cagalli bit her lip in confusion. Even her hands looked like they wanted to cry more than she herself did. They had held dead bodies, countless guns, bleeding wounds and much more.

Cagalli herself started to worry, and once she was away from everyone, she turned to see her reflection on a large window. She looked so...defeated. Her eyes loosing the spark that Athrun and Kira talked so fondly about. Her hair limp and not messy like it usually was. Her mouth closed, her lips dry and small. She had even lost weight without meaning to; a consequence of skipping all those breakfasts and lunches and having only a few bites of dinner.

Cagalli touched her face; cold and limp. Pale.

"What am I?" She whispered to herself.

But, after a few minutes of staring, she moved on, staring at her feet as she floated, those three words flying freely through her mind. Her head started to hurt, and Cagalli shook it viciously hard, as if if she shook it hard enough, those words would tumble out of her ears.

She then collided quite suddenly with a hard chest, earning an "Ooof!" from the two.

Instinctively the two held each others fore arms because of the lack of gravity, but Cagalli was too lost in thoughts to mumble an apology, and just floated in that spot, clinging to the forearms of whoever it was infront of her. Her eyes had somehow traveled to the large Earth outside, and a major deja vu hit Cagalli.

This was where she and Athrun had first kissed.

"Cagalli?"

Cagalli snapped her head to the confused navy haired boy, and she coloured rapidly. She concluded at that second, as she watched Athrun lips curve into an amusing smile, that Fate, Destiny, whatever the hell it was, was going to get the ass whooping of a life time when she died.

"I-I, erm..." She stuttered, seeing their arms locked, and getting even more nervous. "I..."

She sighed. It wasn't worth it.

"Is everything alright?" Athrun asked in that comforting deep voice of his.

Cagalli looked at him, really looked at him. He was like a china doll; pristine and perfect. Large, beautiful, forest green eyes that she had been caught staring at one too many times. Thick locks of midnight blue hair, framing his face. A perfect nose, and full lips, almost like a girls.

She realized then, why it was so easy to tell him absoloutly everything, to share a bed and stay up all night talking when the other dorms were full; and even to kiss him before battle. It was odd, because it wasn't as akward as she thought it would be afterwards. She knew that Lacus had been his fiancee, and her mind would always panick when she thought about trying to live up to that standard; graceful, elegant, beautiful, kind.

But there was something about the way Athrun looked at her; something about the way he would hold her hand, or kiss her cheek, stroke her hair, or lean his forhead against hers. It seemed to just...flow. It wasn't forced and formal. It was something that both the teens had wondered why the other wasn't there years ago when they needed them.

It was those small gestures that filled the cracks in Cagalli's heart; slowly but surely. She had never known that this kind of feeling was possible. Because Athrun wasn't just the boy to shot twice on that island, he wasn't just the boy she gave her Haumea necklace to, he wasn't just the boy she was in love with, and he wasn't just her brother's best friend.

He was _her_ best friend too. He was the chilli sauce on her kebab. He was the cement to her bricks. He was the...banana to her monkey.

Okay, the last one didn't really fit; and even Cagalli laughed, but you get the point.

"What's so funny?" Athrun asked, that charming smirk still on his face.

Cagalli held in a laugh, though her cheeks ached at her wide smile. She slid her arms around his back, pulling him closer to her, and he instinctivley wrapped his own arms around her waist, raising a perfect navy eyebrow as he heard her laugh again.

"Nothing's funny, it's just..." Cagalli said into his neck, still smiling. "You're my banana."

Athrun furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, but his delicate face managed to twist into an amused smile. "Oh...kay," He said slowly. "And you're my...apple?"

Cagalli laughed again, kissing his cheek lightly, to which they both blushed at. "Never mind." She said softly, trying to pull back from their embrace, though Athrun stayed firm.

"Do you want to tell me what's wrong now?" He asked quietly.

Cagalli froze, and reality pulled at the seams of her sanity again. For a second, it felt like she forgot to breathe. Like her body wanted to quit already. Becuase she wasn't who she used to be 6 months ago; innocent, naive, immature and care free.

"I just..." she spoke gently. "I...don't know what's wrong with me."

There was pause, as she felt, Athrun turn to look at her with those piercing eyes she couldn't help but lose herself in. "Cagalli, there is nothing wrong with you. Nothing, I assure you."

Cagalli shook her head, swallowing nothing in particular. Athrun seemed so sure about that; so sure that there was no difference between them. That Cagalli Yula Attha was strong enough to get through this. That she was strong enough to do anything and everything.

"No, no," She said, tugging herself free of his grasp."There is, there is!"

She looked at him, her head tilted slightly, and he could see her. He could see how tired she was, how dull she felt. He could see how scarily thin she had gotten. He could see how pale she was, how lost she was. A shiver ran up Athrun's spine, at the thought of Cagalli, his pillar of strength, of hope, was starting to crumble infront of him; and he could do nothing about it.

Cagalli took a deep breath, still irritated with herself that she wasn't crying yet. She stared at Athrun, and she suddenly felt self conscious under his gaze. Those emerald eyes seeing right through her, piercing through the barrier that only he was immune to.

"I'm tired, and afraid, and sad, and alone," She slowly, weakly. "I just don't know who I am anymore, what I stand for."

She could see how Athrun's eyes had dimmed, but he stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue.

"I mean...I'm going back to rule a country that isn't even rightfully mine. A whole country that depends on me to know what the right decision is. And it would be fine if I were still...so proud of Orb like I was 6 months ago, but it's different now. I...I just don't feel the same way about Orb as I used to,"

She turned her head away, because she didn't want to look at him; but the small piece of Cagalli that was left, told her to look him in the eye, and she obeyed, because she didn't want that last piece of her to be lost along with the rest.

"Orb...doesn't feel like my home anymore," She said quietly, ashamed of herself. "I don't know where I belong in a world like this."

Athrun was so silent, that she could hear the ticks of their watches synchronize together. She could hear her heart beat, and a part of her was relieved, and marveled at how she actually had one. She touched the place in her chest where she felt her heartbeat, and closed her eyes.

"And the worst part is...none of it matters. Because it doesn't matter how I feel; what matters is that in a few weeks, I'm going to be leading a country, despite how I may feel about it." She said. "I'm going to be lying to my people with every document I sign, with every breath I take in that country."

"I don't have a home either," Athrun said quietly, looking down. "I'm just like you. I don't feel the same way about the PLANTs anymore. It was all just a lie, all of it."

"The feeling sucks, doesn't it?" Cagalli asked weakly.

"Yeah, it really does." Athrun whispered."But my...my mother once told me, that home is what you make it. Home is what you yourself define."

Cagalli didn't feel anything at that moment, and she was positive that Athrun didn't either. That overwhelming sense of not knowing what to do next was was almost suffocating the two young teens.

"C-can I..."

Cagalli looked up. Athrun was biting his lip, the nervousness clear in his eyes. "Can I come back with you? To Orb?"

Cagalli's eyes widened, and her mouth curved into a smile. A real smile. She looked at Athrun, his cheeks tainted pink, his eyes averting hers, like he always did when he was embarrassed or nervous. But his small smile was there, and her mind marveled at the lump that from in her throat, and the tears blurring her vision.

"Really? Y-you want to come back...with _me_?"

Athrun nodded curtly, but the smile on his face grew and grew. "You're the closest thing I have to home, Cagalli."

And come on. To every girl reading this. Is it even _possible _as to _not_ kiss this boy?

And that's exactly what Cagalli did. She launched herself on him yelping in happiness before slamming her lips with his and grabbing fistfulls of his midnight blue hair as tears finally leaked out of her eyes. Sure, it wasn't the most romantic, mushy thing to do; but that was who Cagalli was. Because now, it would be a hell of a lot easier to find herself again, with Athrun by her side all the time.

She felt Athrun smile broading onto her lips, before kissing her back with the same amount of excitment and love that she had. He held her tightly to his body with one arm, while his free hand ran fingers through her golden hair.

Eventually, the couple parted, both grinning and blushing as hard as each other.

"So, I'm guessing that's a 'Yes' then..." Athrun concluded, laughing as Cagalli turned a deeper shade of red. He pulled her to him again, and in Cagalli's words, _doing that thing where he puts his forehead on mine_, making both of them close their eyes and sigh in happiness.

Because now, they stood a chance.

"...so why exactly am I your 'Banana'?"

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:') Aaaaww, I liked writing this; I hope you all did too! Please review, and thanks for reading!

- Yin


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